Apr 152015

Weeping Radish Root Beer Bottle I have been trying to get this one for a long time. I’d known of its existence on the opposite side of the country but couldn’t find it sold anywhere that would do online sales. Repeated attempts to contact the company were in vain. I even have a cousin who lives in North Carolina and she never found it on any of her travelings. Finally the great Jon came through on trade. The label, in addition to the name, says “Radzie Wurzelbier” which I think means Radish Root Beer in German, though the online translator programs didn’t translate Radzie. If it really is a radish root beer I can’t imagine that would be good. There is a radish person on the label and he’s weeping, which is what I’d probably do if I drank a radish root beer, but I think that’s more just the whole mascot thing. Maybe, hopefully.

The Body is weak and fruity and almost tastes like there’s some sort of fruit or vegetable vinegar in it. Is there actual radish in it? Maybe … There’s a slight vanilla and honey flavor as well but it is seriously overshadowed. The Bite is sour and acidic. The Head is tall and frothy, that at least is going for it. The Aftertaste is sour and fruity.

Yuk. Okay, this might just be a radish root beer. Or at least it really is making radish man weep. I shed a few tears myself during the drinking of this. It doesn’t list radish in the ingredients (I’d love to add that to my list) but there’s that whole natural flavoring so who knows? They do, but they won’t say. At least not in English. Oh well. Now I know why they weren’t tripping over themselves trying to get this to me. See how it rates against other root beers.

1.5 out of 5 kegs

Apr 122015

The Brew Kettle Hand Crafted Root Beer Bottle This one comes from Strongsville, Ohio, from a place called The Brew Kettle. They got their start in 1995 as Ringneck Brewing Co and somewhere in their expansion from a three barrel brewery to the “massive” 20 odd barrel brewery they are today they decided to change their name. They have a taproom and smokehouse and the option to brew your own custom beers, like Vinepark or Brew Bakers. But all of that is secondary to me, as I care only about the root beer, which sadly, isn’t even mentioned on their website. I had to send them an inquiry to see if they actually made a root beer and they were kind enough to send me some to try. The label is very simple and doesn’t really give me a whole lot to write about, other than mentioning that this was the straightest label of the three bottles I got. They are all sort of crooked and cockeyed … which adds character? If you’ve got OCD about everything being straight and lined up like Poirot, you may not be able to handle it. But I care more about what’s inside.

The Body is full with a hint of fruit that detracts from an otherwise pleasing, yet standard, creamy root beer flavor. The Bite is present, both in carbonation and in spice, though there is nothing remarkable about it. The Head is nice and tall and starts very frothy then forms large bubbles as it fizzes down. The Aftertaste is some fruity vanilla.

This is pretty good, but I don’t like the fruity. I never like the fruity. If you like a slightly fruity cream root beer, you’ll probably love this. See how it rates against other root beers.

Three kegs

Apr 082015

Rat Bastard Root Beer BottleI’m generally a person who spurns vulgarity in all forms and wish the rest of the world would follow suit. I have no misconceptions however that I am, in fact, in the minority in this respect. However, I do feel that there are some, extenuating circumstances when such words may be acceptable. This is one of those times. However, to avoid being too crass, I’ll stick with the expletives printed on the bottle. Oh Rat Bastard, who conceived of you and why? Was it to make sure that one root beer could fail my easiest of metrics, coming in a pretty bottle? Perhaps. And honestly, that is the reason I sought it out. I had reviewed many root beers by that time, the summer after my mission, but I’d never given a zero. Even the vilest of brews still had at least a somewhat of a pretty bottle at that point, but not this. Also it seemed from their tag line, that they didn’t actually want it to taste good. To that end they filled it with all manner of unhallowed ingredients never seen before in a root beer like, jasmine, shiitake, mad dog weed, goldenseal, and the list goes on. Nevertheless, I approached my three bottles with an open mind. Maybe it was all for show and it was another rather generic soda. I was so wrong.

The Body was gross, strange, kinda fruity with a dash of cola? The Head was near nonexistent. There was a harsh Bite, but it was from the many strange herbs and things that should NEVER be put in root beer. It made me stick my tongue out of my mouth repeatedly after each swallow (I guess that my tongue was trying to wipe the flavor off or something.) But then came the Aftertaste which was the same rancid flavor that made me stick my tongue out in the first place.

Oh what utter vileness, what pox upon all that which is called root beer. And I drank three whole bottles of it just to make sure of the review. Truly it is as the bottle boasts, it “tastes like a son of a bitch.” I think that forcing someone to drink that many bottles of this is actually banned by the Geneva Convention. Add the ugly and offensive bottle and I finally got my zero. I don’t think it was quite worth it though. See how it rates against other root beers.