May 012019

Johnny Reb Root Beer Bottle If you are easily triggered, you’re gonna probably want to skip this review. After all, this is gonna the most controversial review of all time (I hope). Snowflakes gonna run to their safe spaces at the mere mention of this review. Feast your eyes on that very un-2019 label. Yup the one and only Confederate Battle Flag. That can of worms just got opened, cause they went and put it on a root beer bottle. And once a new root beer comes into the world, I have to drink it and write about it. So here it is. Now, I gotta be honest. I have no love for this flag. I grew up in Washington State, and all I remember being taught about this was that they were rebels who tried to secede and we beat them. The first time I ever saw this flag in the wild it was as an early teen when I went to some Saturday night race track we had in our home town, and then I saw people wearing it. I honestly thought it was hilarious because, who wears the flag of the traitors, in the North? Lots of people evidently. I guess Southern Pride is a thing, though not one I’ve any first hand experience with, and this is their HERITAGE! Not hatred. Get over it. At least to them. But, there was that whole slavery thing and that flag means a very different thing to a lot of other people, as it was the battle standard of those fighting for the right to treat an entire race as mere chattel, which is about as repulsive as it gets, so yeah, as far as they are concerned, that flag is HATRED! (Don’t you love being white-man-splained about all of this as though it is something new?) Why some brewery in Florida wanted to put that on their label is anyone’s guess. Maybe they just liked to court the controversy, much like I’m doing by being blissfully neutral on such a charged subject. Anyways, I’m genuinely surprised this root beer is still for sale and won’t be surprised at all of outcry shuts them down. But what I care about much more than the label is the contents of the bottle, which is, after all, what a root beer should be judged by (says the guy who literally has categories for if the bottle is pretty and if it isn’t)

The Body is mild and generic. There’s a little hint of vanilla but nothing else really noteworthy. Just a middle of the road sort of flavor. The Bite is harsh from carbonation yet the Head is short and doesn’t last. There’s also not a lot of spiciness. The Aftertaste is faint vanilla that is gone quickly.

Well, that’s pretty meh. You’d think that with such a bold label there’d be a correspondingly bold choice of flavors. But there’s nothing really bad about this (other than a very controversial label), but nothing really great about it either. I give it a Drinkable rating, though honestly, I’d be hard pressed to find a place where it’s acceptable to drink it. Ummm, Confederate Monument removal protests? Probably not. Err.. Civil War battle reenactments? Yeah, that’s it. Some brewery in the North should make a Billy Yank root beer, and they could sell them both at Gettysburg and places like that. Yeah, I think that’s the only way to not risk getting attacked over drinking this utterly mediocre brew. See how it rates against other root beers.

Three kegs

Apr 032019

Bottle of Marco Root Beer The first root beer of my Montreal trip. I say first even though Tousignant was the first that I learned about and drank. I found this by Googling, and discovered that there were stores only about a 30 minute walk from my hotel, so I took off in the rainy evening after my work was complete. The first place only had their spruce beer. I prayed the second place, Fruiterie du Plateau, would have the root beer I desperately sought. And it did, and lo, it also had another root beer that I didn’t even know I needed to try, plus birch and spruce beers to trade to my good chums. What fortune had befallen me. Three root beers in a single trip. Surely only good things could come.

The Body sour, and icky, and yeasty. It’s really bad. The Bite is something prickly and spicy, but it isn’t good. The Head is super tall and foamy, so that is going for it at least. The Aftertaste is sour sarsaparilla that leaves a chalky residue in your mouth.

I hate this. Like, this is really awful. I actually live streamed myself reviewing the second bottle (while playing my mobile game) and you can see for yourself that it was a painful experience. I almost thought that maybe the bottles had spoiled somehow, despite having preservatives, but checking out some other reviews seems like it’s just a yeasty mess. I guess some people like yeasty drinks? This is probably the worst of the ones I’ve ever had. It does have a pretty bottle though, kind of. See how it rates against other root beers.

One out of five root beer kegs

Mar 062019

Foodhold Root Beer BottleBack in April, when I was in New Jersey, I met anthony and traded for this brew. It’s made for Foodhold, USA, which is a company that makes food for supermarkets, it seems. I googled it and I couldn’t get a straight answer for what exactly Foodhold is, other than there were a lot of complaints about their products. Putting it in Google Maps didn’t come up with any locations so I’m assuming it isn’t a store that I don’t know about. I didn’t even ask anthony where he got it. Yeah, I’m much lazier than I once was, and I don’t care to do more investigating. Anyone’s welcome to tell me off in the comments for not making your lives easier, or better yet, tell me what Foodhold actually is so everyone can know. I’ll be more diligent in the future, I promise. It has a very generic sort of label, but I like it. All the black and what not.

The Body has a nice sweet sarsaparilla flavor that isn’t of the fruity type, more on the spice side. The Bite is mild in total spices, yet prickly with carbonation. The Head is of medium height, but fizzes away quickly. The Aftertaste is of sarsaparilla.

So year, it’s a pleasant enough drink, but nothing at all special. It seems like a middle of the road sarsaparilla type, though I don’t review sarsaparillas so I can’t say how good or not it is as one of those, but as a root beer. It’s not bad. Nay, it’s beyond not bad, it’s down right drinkable! See how it rates against other root beers.

Three kegs