Grown-up Soda Dry Root Beer

 Bottled Root Beers  No Responses »
Apr 112012
 

I first heard of this when I was ordering some of the last Thomas Kemper Purely Natural Root Beer in existence. I wanted to see if I could get a few more varieties in the 12 pack to lessen the price per review on that one. I was told by the distributor that this one is brand new and wasn’t even on their website yet. Hooray! I may be one of the first root beer reviewers to try it. The idea seems cool. Less sugar so the other delicious root beer flavors can come through. That way I can drink more root beer and not get diabetes (which is a myth by the way).

It has a most amazing Head, like a Henry’s, tall and frothy and lingers for ages. However, that is all this has going for it. The Body is gross. It is weak and really sour. There’s only the tiniest hint of vanilla and other root beer flavor but they’re diluted to the point of being gross and drowned out by sour. Dry indeed! The Bite is horrendous. There are no spices but plenty of acid burn. The Head, for all it’s height and frothiness, tastes worse than the liquid so I actually wish it were much shorter. The Aftertaste is more sourness that lingers way too long.

This is like drinking straight carbonated water, but worse actually because those tiny hints of sugar and flavors make the whole thing just taste like a big gross mistake. What have they done? Where are all of the good root beer flavors? I can accept them cutting the sugar for a more refined taste or whatever, but it seems for every part sugar they cut, they cut two parts everything else. So, so terrible! If this is what grown-up sodas are meant to taste like, I’m moving to Neverland, or Toys-R-Us, or Chuck E. Cheese’s, or anywhere else to escape such an age induced fate. It does have a pretty bottle though and that amazing Head is worth another half keg to be sure. See how it rates against other root beers.




Tower Root Beer

 Bottled Root Beers  No Responses »
Apr 042012
 

Wow! A picture of a tower with the caption “Ye olde fashioned root beer”? It just makes me think of old text based RPGs and spoofs of such games. I think, I’ll write the rest of this as if it were a Dungeon Man game, but it’s not, it’s Tower Man!
Thou behold a tower. Thou enter the tower. In the room there is a window, an exit to the north, and a table with a flask and a bottle of old fashioned root beer.
What wouldst thou deau?
>Get ye flask
You cannot get ye flask. You are left wondering why you cannot get ye flask.
What wouldst thou deau?
>Get ye olde fashioned root beer
You pour the root beer into ye flask, for some reason you can now get ye flask of ye old fashioned root beer.

The Head of ye olde fashioned root beer is medium height but gone in mere seconds. The Body is extremely dark and rooty. The dominant flavors are sassafras, licorice, and mint. It’s sort of creamy. There is a strong Bite, both from spices and prickly carbonation on the tongue. The Aftertaste is sticky minty licorice with the faintest traces of vanilla.

You continue to drink ye olde fashioned Tower Root Beer. It definitely tastes ye olde fashioned. It isn’t bad, but not extremely good because you like creamy root beers that have significantly less licorice and much nicer Heads. You decide that if presented with more of this root beer, you’d rather pass and get something else. Hence, you exit the tower in search of better brews. At least you were able to get ye flask. See how it rates against other root beers.




Briar’s Root Beer

 Bottled Root Beers  No Responses »
Mar 282012
 

The third and final brew from Anthony’s package, at least the final one that survived. He had put some Amish root beer in there as well but it spilled everywhere. Probably because it got lost in the mail for so long and I have proof that my mail carrier is grossly negligent and down right destructive of my mail. I think someday I’m going to snap his picture and write a blog post about him and all of the root beer he has destroyed. Anyways, I digress. Back to Briar’s. It has a very simple label that doesn’t really give me much material to go on. “Great Soda Since 1937” We’ll see about that.

It’s a medium Body in this brew with a distinct caramel flavor. Then it gets sour unfortunately. It is also mildly creamy with hints of vanilla. Then comes a sharp and sour carbonation Bite that sadly is rather devoid of spices. The Head is short yet foamy which is ok at best. The Aftertaste is a sour caramel vanilla that lasts too long and is kind of icky.

The first few drinks this are decent but it quickly deteriorates. “Great Soda”? Give me a break. Maybe their company has some other great flavors but this stuff? And why is it so sour? Sodium citrate and citric acid may have something to do with it. But then there are a whole host of other problems with this. The bottle also says “Enjoy!” though I think that is sarcasm. See how it rates against other root beers.




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